These are a few of my favorite jokes
Some jokes
Now That I’m older………..
My goal for 2024 was to lose 10 pounds. Only have 14 to go.
Ate salad for dinner. Mostly croutons and tomatoes. Really just one big round crouton covered with tomato sauce, and cheese. FINE, it was a pizza…. OK, I ate a pizza! Are you happy now?
How to prepare Tofu:
a. Throw it in the trash
b. Grill some meat, chicken or fish
I just did a week’s worth of cardio after walking into a spider web.
I don’t mean to brag, but I finished my 14-day diet food supply in 3 hours and 20 minutes.
Kids today don’t know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.
Remember back when we were kids and every time it was below zero outside they closed school? Yeah, Me neither.
I may not be that funny or athletic or good looking or smart or talented. I forgot where I was going with this.
I think I’ll just put an “Out of Order” sticker on my forehead and call it a day.
Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
It’s weird being the same age as old people.
Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter
Chocolate is God’s way of telling us he likes us a little bit chubby.
It’s probably my age that tricks people into thinking I’m an adult.
Never sing in the shower! Singing leads to dancing, dancing leads to slipping, and slipping leads to paramedics seeing you naked. So remember…Don’t sing!
I see people mountain climbing; I feel good getting my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.
So if a cow doesn’t produce milk, is it a milk dud or an udder failure?
If you can’t think of a word say “I forgot the English word for it.” That way people will think you’re bilingual instead of an idiot.
I’m at a place in my life where errands are starting to count as going out.
Don’t be worried about your smartphone or TV spying on you. Your vacuum cleaner has been collecting dirt on you for years.
I don’t always go the extra mile, but when I do it’s because I missed my exit.
You don’t realize how old you are until you sit on the floor and then try to get back up.
We all get heavier as we get older, because there’s a lot more information in our heads. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
We celebrate Jesus brutally dying on the cross by getting a giant bunny rabbit to hide chocolate eggs.
I can’t help but feel there is a massive gap in information somewhere.
haroldblackphd.com 
Howdy, Dr. Black. Thanks for the humor! To an educated country boy, the best joke is about the cow that doesn’t give milk! She’s a milk dud and an udder failure! This article’s image caused me to race to my bathroom, not to use it! Checking my “bathroom library,” I found the 2004 book by Dan Reynolds, How Aging Affects Belt Height. A sister-in-law gave me the book, as a joke, for Christmas, back in 2004 or 2005. The same image is on the cover of the book! By the way, my “bathroom library” is featured in my 8/4/2022 article, “Redneck Toilet Handle.” It’s a funny little article.
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Your posting was the best! But matches on top of the toilet? What are you lighting? Until I was 8 we had an outhouse at the farm complete with corncobs and the Sears catalog. But no matches.
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Thank you for your kind comment, Dr. Black! About the matches, to adapt a quote from Mark Twain, “under certain circumstances, urgent circumstances, desperate circumstances,” burning a match provides a better smell, denied even to air freshener! I hope that you understand. As an aside, the soap container is empty. It just supports the box of matches. As a child, I remember the outhouse that my paternal grandparents had. I used it several times. It was a two-seater! The Sears catalog and corn cobs were available, but they had toilet paper. A Russian joke about toilet paper: “What’s the difference between Russian toilet paper and sandpaper? Sandpaper is smooth on one side!”
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