You know you are old when 

You know you are old when 

1. You start calling people “sonny”
2. When little old ladies start opening the door for you 
3. When you are older than the president 
4. When your children start treating you like their child 
5. You wish there were new episodes of NYPD Blue and Homicide
6. You watch no new TV shows 
7. Strange women call you “sweetie”
8. You bristle at being called your first name by telephone solicitors 
9. You haven’t heard of a single grammy nominee
10. You wonder how all those women with nose rings blow their nose 
11. You turn off a basketball game because you hate all the tattoos 
12. You think AI is a steak sauce 
13. You mention George Armstrong Custer and no one has even heard of him 
14. All your living heroes are dead 
15. You have a record player 
16. Your grandparents’ living room furniture was covered with plastic
17. You had a slide rule
18. You needed carbon paper
19. Your grandmother made you crank the ice cream churn
20. There was a clothesline in your backyard
21. Your TV had rabbit ears with aluminum foil on it
22. Phone books appeared on your doorstep
23. You had a camera with film in it
24. You still miss your first dog
25. You had a typewriter and white out
26. You like silence 
27. You make sympathetic clucking noises 
28. You had a rolodex
29. You still think people should dress up for church 
30. You start wearing black socks with Bermuda shorts 
31. You actually know what are Bermuda shorts 
32. You mix plaids and stripes and are not homeless 
33. Your son has a grandson 
34. Your son is retired 
35. You remember green stamps
36. You look for your glasses and they are on top of your head
37. You get up, go into the kitchen and wonder why you are there
38. You seem to run over every pothole and every curb
39. You and your significant other always talk about the gas prices
40. You have no room on your bathroom shelf for another prescription bottle
41. You remember when you really had to dial a phone
42. An album held a record
43. Your grandparents called a refrigerator an icebox (your parents called it a Frigidaire)
44. Google was the Encyclopaedia Britannica
45. You still go to AAA and ask for maps
46. When you tell people you went to AAA they think you are an alcoholic
47. A memory quiz is part of your annual physical exam 
48. You had bomb drills at elementary school where you had to get under your desk 
49. Your desk had inkwells 
50. Students wore coat and tie to SEC football games 
51. Fans waved confederate flags at SEC games 
52. College bands played Dixie
53. No black athletes in the SEC
54. You have more hair in your ears than on your head 
55. Your first TV was black and white 
56. You had a transistor radio 
57. You miss Motown
58. Gladys Knight and the Pips sang at your high school dances
59. You listened to baseball games on the radio
60. You played outside with your friends 
61. You got roller skates for Christmas (and a cap pistol)
62. You remember that Teddy Pendergrass was the lead singer for Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes (and Jeffrey Osborne with LTD)
63. Your university had a typing pool 
64. You remember physical photo albums
65. Housewives on TV wore dresses and high heels 
66. Coeds were not allowed to wear shorts on campus except at gym 
67. You asked your Dad “what’s a colored restroom?”
68. You remember the milkman
69. Kids wrote cursive
70. You remember muscle cars
71. Someone else pumped your gas (and wiped off your windshield)
72. Your cellphone was mounted in your car
73. You know what 75 and 33 rpm mean
74. You mother had a clothes wringer washing machine 
75. You had to use public pay phones
76. You still use your ipod
77. When you finally ask for directions you are already there
78. You know what an analog clock is
79. There was a grease can on the stove
80. There were paper boarding passes
81. There were no remote controls
82. You had to put the key in the ignition
83. You went to drive-in movies
84. Sears Roebuck had a catalog
85. You thought Amazon was a rain forest
86. Friends used to just drop in to visit
87. You saw Jackie Robinson play at Ebbitts Field
88. The Washington baseball team was the Senators
89. Houston‘s was the Colt 45s
90. Atlanta’s was the Crackers
91. Atlanta’s Nego League team was the Black Crackers
92. You thought Shaquille was a funny name
93. Democrats were racists
94. You had a J C Higgins shotgun
95. You walked to school
96. Only girls wore earrings
97. Your weight has shifted from your butt to your stomach
98. You are the same age as old people
99. You are always introduced as “the first”
100. Your grandparents had an outhouse
101. You miss your parents
102. Your grandparents’ parents were slaves